Most people make their personal connections to the universe in the hinterlands of the sublime – the far plutonian shore, the precipitous precipice, the wind-swept wilderness, in those bless\u00e8d realms where you can feel small without feeling put down (being made to feel insignificant by a waterfall is NOT the same as being made to feel insignificant by a waiter\u2026). Well, I\u2019m no exception.<\/p>\n
I recently had mine\u2026 at Costco.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not that I wanted to buy anything, but I\u2019d never set foot in a Costco, and determined to fill this gap in my biography, I bravely set off to set this right.
\n(You\u2019ll have to bear with me, I\u2019m somewhat of a misfit. North America is my cultural birthplace but I\u2019ve lived in Europe for the second half of my life. Thus, both America and Europe enchant and dismay me on a permanent basis. The unexpected dons the garb of familiarity and the double-take is my lot in life.)<\/p>\n
The shopping carts are amazing, they are the size of boxcars or 18-wheelers (certainly calculated to equal in width the hips of those who wield them). And they reach the checkout crammed and overflowing, jostling like bumblebees at the entrance to a hive.
\nThe total lack of product hierarchy was astonishing. You could fill your cart and your fancy with crystal goblets or 3 months worth of tacos with the same nonchalance and ease. Books or vegetables, diamond watches or frozen peas, all one and the same. An Earthly Paradise of Calories, the Home Appliance Avalon. All stops pulled, any inhibitions gone, full consumer empowerment. (Why is it that the verb \u201cto consume\u201d has such negative connotations – fire consumes, locusts consume – except when applied to serious retail therapy?)<\/p>\n
Then suddenly it struck me – I had blundered through the proverbial haystack straight into the fabled land of Cockayne! Honey in fountains (well, gallon jars) cornucopii of luscious fruits (okay, 20-lb bags.) avalanches of sweetmeats and baubles, attended to by busy devotees with ample paunches, intent on reducing irreductible piles of earthly provender which magically restore themselves during the night. It felt like something that would have certainly appealed to Breughel.
\nAbout the same instant I was also struck, though rather less figuratively, in the back of the knees by a barge-like caddy, admonished to watch where I was going (true enough, I may have been arrested and immoblie in the centre of an aisle, I was on a serious flight of fancy), so I came to and went.<\/p>\n
Did I buy anything? Of course not. EVERYONE knows that when you stumble into the land of fa\u00ebrie, it\u2019s wise not to sample the local produce.
\nEthics:
\nVery recently I came across a site selling t-shirts with my pictures on them. Gee, I thought, I\u2019ve always wanted t-shirts with my pictures on them, I must take a look at this. Turns out to be some brave anti-establisment Robin Hood who had decided to throw off the yoke of commercial exploitation. A \u201chumble attempt at breaking the chains of corporate imprisonment\u201d, working under the following premise: \u201cAll art is public domain\u201d. Steal from the rich and sell t-shirts to the poor. I am always amazed how ethical convictions and a quick buck seem to make such happy marriages. Don\u2019t Let Big Business Exploit People, Rip Them Off Yourself.
\nNaturally I wrote to ask for an explanation and my images were removed.
\nAlas, I\u2019ve once again made a fundamental error – I should\u2019ve ordered some t-shirts first.
\nOn the other hand, some enterprising soul on eBay has ceramic tiles with Gandalf the Grey (\u201cby Tolkien\u201d, no less) for sale. (\u201cYou may have this artwork imprinted on T-shirts, Ceramics, Placemats, Aprons, Mugs, Tote Bags and many more items\u2026.\u201d) This is my chance to have the downstairs bathroom re-done! And I\u2019m sure I\u2019ll look particularly fetching on the bus with my Gandalf t-shirt and my Gandalf tote bag (especially if I\u2019ve forgotten in my haste to remove the Gandalf apron).
\nVery annoying. And I haven\u2019t even been sent a complimentary mug.<\/p>\n
More Silliness*:
\nRecently purchased a kneadable eraser, which is a great way to occupy your hands while searching for an idea. But, as it assumes all manner of shapes, I am repeatedly searching for the appealing earthworm I fashioned yesterday only to find I\u2019ve overlooked the same eraser, which is now a pretty decent mushroom or a giant thumbtack\u2026
\n*as if the Costco episode wasn\u2019t enough\u2026<\/p>\n
Christmas again:
\nReceived a truckload of swords today. I\u2019ve not only been there, done that, got the t-shirts, but now I\u2019ve got pretty much the full set of Lord of the Rings replica swords. Enough to seriously decorate a wall and make Damocles\u2019 dining room look very tame\u2026
\nI\u2019ve agreed to sign the certificates for the United Cutlery edition of Anduril, so it\u2019s time to go clean that attic to make more space.<\/p>\n
Next time:
\nI have a REAL surprise. Watch this space.<\/p>\n
See you!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Or: Adventures In The Aisles of Plenty Most people make their personal connections to the universe in the hinterlands of the sublime – the far plutonian shore, the precipitous precipice, the wind-swept wilderness, in those bless\u00e8d realms where you can feel small without feeling put down (being made to feel insignificant by a waterfall is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[22,52,39,18],"class_list":["post-183","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chronicles","tag-gandalf","tag-robin-hood","tag-sword","tag-tolkien"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1PY8Y-2X","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.john-howe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/183","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.john-howe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.john-howe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.john-howe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.john-howe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=183"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.john-howe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/183\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.john-howe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=183"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.john-howe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=183"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.john-howe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=183"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}